did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
