You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
