I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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