ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
