im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
