Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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