If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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