Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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