dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
