i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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