what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
