Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.