she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.