you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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