just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
