I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
