I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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