theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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