Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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