Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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