I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
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I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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