I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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