last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
