Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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