my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
