i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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