Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
