I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
