Do you still have your period?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
17 year olds will be the death of me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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