Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize