Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
