it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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