its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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