stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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