After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
