I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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