Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
