I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry about my life...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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