question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
