She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
