Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
