You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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