Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
