I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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