I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
whose parrot is this?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize