remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
