I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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