Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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