Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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