I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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