He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
