You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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