Apparently you make a good broom.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my being single is dangerous.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
