Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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