I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
