How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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