she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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