Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
