i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
