I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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