guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
