how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
