dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
