Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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