Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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