the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
